Grey skies today. Not much soundscape done. Went and took my tests. Blood pressure still way way to high. Will get the results at the end of the week.
This is a big period of change. And I don’t have the means to control any of it really. But that doesn’t really matter. Because I think change is good for me. So in a way the direction of the soundscape is perfectly natural. I have to keep up the work in this new direction. Because it is change. And I have no idea where it’s taking me.
So I work on the second part tonight. Only the second part.
The last recital I gave was almost 30 years ago. I remember the cold sweat and my usual tics. And my considerably low self esteem. I knew the pieces in my sleep. One Nocturne and a two valzes by Chopin and Gymnopedies by Satie. But all I could concentrate on was how easy it was to miss something.
Not the calm state I get when doing my soundscapes. Sometimes I’m so lucky that I become part of the soundscape. And I can hear the music. When I played at that last recital I listened when I played. And that way you can never move any one. No matter how skilled you are. It takes soul and heart to create music that moves some one.
That’s what I discovered a short time ago. And that’s why I decided to ditch 40 days of soundscape work. There is no point for me to make music that doesn’t mean anything. But it’s not necessary for me to know the meaning. The meaning is a feeling I get. It touches my heart. And that is this the only way I maybe can touch someone else’s heart with my soundscapes.
The recital? It went well. I of course puked for 10 minutes when it was done. And I didn’t tell anyone. Sat my hours the next day practicing. The break from that career came a couple of months later. Maybe I tell that story sometime.
Weekender with Sunday Special is a very nice tune. Listening to it right now. Makes me happy.
Beautiful photo in this post by Henry Stradford (CC-license)