Listening to Merge Of Equals tune Mina. Really good! My own ambient music is continuing to be hard to evolve. Been a couple of days now when everything feels stalled.
I’m seeing a therapist tomorrow and looking forward to that. I find it very hard to concentrate at anything at the moment. I’ve been at home since the 19th of October now. And though I feel a lot better now compared to then, there are still days when I just can’t do anything. Not even make ambient music.
And from time to time I get that weird feeling of walking beside myself, outside of my body looking in. It scares the daylights out of me. My medication should be kicking in now. But my sleep hasn’t been any better. Finding it hard to fall asleep. Mostly due to very realistic dreams. They are not nightmares. They scare me even more. Because I can’t differentiate them from my reality.
It’s evening and I will try to work with my ambient music for an hour or two. Maybe I get something done, maybe I won’t. But there is this itchy feel I have all the time for the last couple of weeks.
It stops me from being focused and I can’t shield off the outside world. Does it have to do with my medicine? This was exactly what I was afraid of might happen. On one hand I would loose the ability to be really focused and cut out the world around me. But on the other I would not have to deal with my dips. When I can’t seem to get anything done at all. Not even ambient music.
Todays’ stunning photo by mescon.